Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A Frustrated GH Fan's Fairy Tale

Once upon a time in a kingdom called Los Angeles, there lived a man named Robert Guza. Guza was a prince, though he had some dreadful qualities that were suppressed by his love for a beautiful yet unnamed woman barely appearing in this story. Ah, Guza was so happy in love. His beloved was everything sweet and kind but - as often happens in fairy tales - a dark wizard placed a curse on the woman. The child born of Guza's great love (or maybe his mother - but definitely a woman somewhere near him) was a twisted, sickly little thing. As women sometimes do, Guza's beloved became devoted to her offspring. She took the small, almost unheavenly creature to doctor's appointments and cooed over the unsmiling thing to help it take less pain during its short period on earth.

Guza was enraged! How could a woman love that sightless and hideous small person more than him! How could he be so neglected! Guza transformed from a handsome prince into an angry festering wound of a man. He watched The Godfather to cover up the sounds of his beloved's betrayal, growing more and more obsessed with the power a good gun may bring. Eventually, he tossed the ungrateful mutt out in a fit of pique! He was enraged, abandoned...and never again would he love. No, he was as strong and cool as a hitman. He had taken his problems to the mattress.

Now Guza is transformed into a formidable he-man woman-hater who exacts his revenge on the one thing he could never take from his beloved - her love for General Hospital. Guza struts in front of a giant poster in his office with all the characters and all the stories he megomaniacally controls. He peruses the Internet and as soon as he sees happiness in the hearts of any female, he marks the board with a horrific red 'x'. He will kill, kill, kill all the females who he is certain have betrayed their men through love of....*gasp*.... children. Women stroll in and out but are little more than bedmates for the Fortress de Guza. His relationships change faster than gas prices in southern California. Love is a myth. There is only loss.

Oh what a sad tale to tell! Will there ever be hope for this beauty turned beast? Will it happen before we are all subjected to the unexpected aging of Michael? Or, worse, before Jason sleeps with anyone he's been paired with while forgetting the birthday of his only child? I think not. This is a tale of fairy tale horror and it will unfold before your very eyes. Oh - rue the day that Guza was betrayed! Hear these words - all women will pay!

Finished catching up. Noticed that we are in the midst of yet another "woman loves child more than man" storyline and felt Guza's pain. Cried for him. Felt for him. Hoped he would get a therapist really soon and get over it so he could write us a decent love story.

In the meantime, I'm so in "awww" over Gigi and Rex on OLTL. If you need a good love-fix go and watch them in all their angst. I didn't know I'd love Gigi when she was introduced - her acting was not-so-stellar but she's just perfect as the slightly rough & rumble girl from the sticks who is driving Adrianna to become her conniving mother's daughter.


Ashlin said...

Loved the montage they ended with. If they had to get rid of a character it was a romantic ending. Maxie took Spinelli as well as Lulu by surprise. It was cute.

Anne said...

Maxie/Spinelli/Lulu might be the only thing I like about this show right ow. I'm beginning to think I could go to bed at 10 p.m. rather than tuning in to Soapnet ...