Hark...is that a romance on the horizon?

Huh? What? Was it swap day at ABC? Did the OLTL writers get to take over GH for a day? Is that why I've got a stormy night bringing all the couples on my wishlist into each other's arms?

Johnny & LuLu...oh yummy. Tortured love is just so right with you two.
Liz & Jason? I had thought you gone forever. I'm so busy hating on Jason...don't go trying to win me back (and, Liz, sweetie. You're a mom. Try to keep it together.)
Jax & Kate? Whoa. I....really....someone else noticed that chemistry? I'm big-time opposed to adultery so I hope this one doesn't go far yet...but I love them together.

And that brings me to...Sonny & Carly. Life is only right when you two are in each other's orbit. Some people were just cut out of the mud for one another. There's no one makes sense for either of them but the other one. I know they'll never hold it together - but that's what makes it fun.

The only "hm" was Nicolas NOT getting a scene with Nadine. What? Why? When we got to see precursors of sex all around for the couples we adore? Nic crazy over Emily nee Claudia? I thought we had accepted that the truest love Nic could have for Emily was to get on with his life.

Oh, well. It's little to complain about with a Friday that makes me happy to be a GH fan. I watched the whole episode and spent a moment sighing over the possibilities for Monday. But Guza's name is still on my screen so I'm prepared for a big ole heap of disappointment. For tonight, though, I dream of happy love stories for all my much-loved characters & couples.

Oh. My. Gosh. And....You have GOT to be kidding me.

All right. Today is out of my system. I'm going to flash back to yesterday when I didn't have to resist the urge to toss a vase through my television set.

I love me some Johnny and LuLu. They are about the most confused people on the GH planet...a feat fit for kinds. I was happy to see him playing the piano again and talking like a sane person. Because Brandon Barash is HOT and we've already got two cold as ice men on GH. Even though it was a bit contrived, the sexy "to save you" was straight out of romance heaven. I only wish they had built the tension a bit - a little you know you want to is good for the romantic soul.

Still, Brandon Barash is HOT. Almost unbearably so. He's that gorgeous, schoolboy with a bad edge. Girls have been going wild over this guy since....well, I'm pretty sure the first cave baby came about because cave woman had a secret thing for that barely-evolved specimen just outside her door. Times may have changed - as evidenced by the fact that we like our bad boy with a sensitive, intelligent side - but we still go weak in the knees for a leather-wearing boy with big dimples.

So, while everything else is still in fast-forward land, Johnny & LuLu are worth a second glance.

Soap Opera Game Show

I read some spoilers that hadn't been updated today and my response was, "Wha? That's happening right now? Really. Whoa. Can't be." I'm currently watching GH on super-fast-forward. I feel like I'm playing Name That Tune:

Contestant #1: Yes, Guza. I can follow that plot in 4 minutes.

Guza: And Glo...will you counter?

Glo: Yes, Guza. I can follow that plot in 2 minutes.

*Crowd goes silent as episode starts*

Glo: Jason is a jackass who doesn't even acknowledge his child's birthday. Mob, mob, more mob. Claudia is Carly is going to sleep with Jason is making no sense. Slow down for 1 moment to watch Robin. And faux-Carly cries while Michael is soap-opera aged. Enjoy one moment of Sonny & Carly's almost-interesting plotline. Oh, sad, very little Diane. And done."

Guza: Excellent! 1 minute and 45 seconds! And now the bonus question: What is the plot?

Glo: The Godfather pays tribute to Kramer v. Kramer.

*bell rings to signal BIG WIN*

Guza: Congratulations! You've won this round of NAME THAT PLOT!

*******************************

It's all very depressing. I can't stand Jason. I feel his loss and yet I can't even think about him enough to grieve. He just makes me sick. As for the rest of the show? Well, as Guza returns to his usual illogical writing style, the actors faces have regained that "What is this?" look that I used to say was 'bad acting' but now recognize as intelligent actors trying to force words out of their mouths in order to pay the bills. It's just plain misery from opening line to end.

Hate the Michael aging. Hate the Claudia/Jason stuff. Hate Maxie's blue pants. But Sebastian Roche can kiss me anytime.

I'm so glad that I still have All My Lost ER Episodes and One Life to Love for entertainment while General Misery is in the land of the great SUCK (Has ABC promised Guza he can put whatever he wants in that time slot if he can kill GH??!!). OLTL has all these lovely little romantic stories (Is it worth mentioning that OLTL has mainly FEMALE writers??!!) - I haven't been so girly and giddy over a teenage love story (not Starr & Cole - it's Rex & Gigi reliving high school romance - you remember romance? That thing on GH not seen for at least 5 years? It's still quite a lovely part of daytime on other shows.) since I was a girl. I'm only upset that they're rushing things for sweeps. I could have sighed over Rex & Gigi through Rex having 5 kids with Adrianna. It's the kind of adorable relationship that has me mumbling "stop being so moral" at the TV. (C'mon - Adrianna is Evilyn Evil. I can't root for her happy ending.) I had hoped the introduction of Brody would slow things down even more. I am savoring this story like a bag of peanut butter M&Ms. I don't care how common, if the story is well-told, it's timeless.

Oh, wait. This blog is about General Misery. *sigh* I guess I'm grateful for Tivo.

A Frustrated GH Fan's Fairy Tale

Once upon a time in a kingdom called Los Angeles, there lived a man named Robert Guza. Guza was a prince, though he had some dreadful qualities that were suppressed by his love for a beautiful yet unnamed woman barely appearing in this story. Ah, Guza was so happy in love. His beloved was everything sweet and kind but - as often happens in fairy tales - a dark wizard placed a curse on the woman. The child born of Guza's great love (or maybe his mother - but definitely a woman somewhere near him) was a twisted, sickly little thing. As women sometimes do, Guza's beloved became devoted to her offspring. She took the small, almost unheavenly creature to doctor's appointments and cooed over the unsmiling thing to help it take less pain during its short period on earth.

Guza was enraged! How could a woman love that sightless and hideous small person more than him! How could he be so neglected! Guza transformed from a handsome prince into an angry festering wound of a man. He watched The Godfather to cover up the sounds of his beloved's betrayal, growing more and more obsessed with the power a good gun may bring. Eventually, he tossed the ungrateful mutt out in a fit of pique! He was enraged, abandoned...and never again would he love. No, he was as strong and cool as a hitman. He had taken his problems to the mattress.

Now Guza is transformed into a formidable he-man woman-hater who exacts his revenge on the one thing he could never take from his beloved - her love for General Hospital. Guza struts in front of a giant poster in his office with all the characters and all the stories he megomaniacally controls. He peruses the Internet and as soon as he sees happiness in the hearts of any female, he marks the board with a horrific red 'x'. He will kill, kill, kill all the females who he is certain have betrayed their men through love of....*gasp*.... children. Women stroll in and out but are little more than bedmates for the Fortress de Guza. His relationships change faster than gas prices in southern California. Love is a myth. There is only loss.

Oh what a sad tale to tell! Will there ever be hope for this beauty turned beast? Will it happen before we are all subjected to the unexpected aging of Michael? Or, worse, before Jason sleeps with anyone he's been paired with while forgetting the birthday of his only child? I think not. This is a tale of fairy tale horror and it will unfold before your very eyes. Oh - rue the day that Guza was betrayed! Hear these words - all women will pay!


Finished catching up. Noticed that we are in the midst of yet another "woman loves child more than man" storyline and felt Guza's pain. Cried for him. Felt for him. Hoped he would get a therapist really soon and get over it so he could write us a decent love story.

In the meantime, I'm so in "awww" over Gigi and Rex on OLTL. If you need a good love-fix go and watch them in all their angst. I didn't know I'd love Gigi when she was introduced - her acting was not-so-stellar but she's just perfect as the slightly rough & rumble girl from the sticks who is driving Adrianna to become her conniving mother's daughter.

Back...but far from prepared to blog!

I have returned but not yet spent time with Tivo...so here's your chance!

Tell me what YOU liked over the past week of GH? Feel free to rant about what you didn't like. Your input will help me to decide how much fast-forwarding I do of the past 6 Tivo submissions.

Oh - and London was tres magnifique. Really. So many people speaking French that I worried I had gone to the wrong country. Regardless of language, though, I am madly in love with England (but their TV and soap operas make me grateful for US programming).

I made it through almost half today

For the first time, I don't like Jason. I'm glad he's suffering. I'm so mad at him that I grumble through all his scenes. May the depth of his heartbreak drive him to repentance. May it heap upon him in big, miserable, gut-wrenching doses. The louse. The traitor. Filth! Garbage! He had love and he threw it away! Threw it away like garbage. And that's what he is. So bow to him! Bow to the King of Garbage, the King of Putrescence.

It's amazing how much of The Princess Bride I can quote. I didn't google a word of the above. And, while I did it mostly because it was funny, I feel that way. Jase - for the first time in years - I say you earned this life. So, live it, dude. You could have had something lovely and you chose garbage. You stink. Yeah, I said it. I can smell you from here, fella.

Well, at least Diane and Alexis were great yesterday. I like Diane and Max - not great romance but just plain funny. I would love to see more Diane and Alexis, Maxie and Spinelli, and Quartermaine manor just for the sheer comic relief during a season of hating on Jason. I'm sure everyone remembers that Luke & Laura were as much fun for the caper as for the love story. Wouldn't it be fun to have some silly caper? Especially since I threw my hands in the air with hopelessness after Robin fell into bed with Patrick. Guza once again proves that romance is a long lost cause in the genre supposedly all about romance!

So, in summary, I hate Jason right now. I think that covers it. Oh, and everyone should watch One Life to Live. Rex and Gigi with Adriana turning eeeeevil - it's just soap fabulous. Yeah, you heard me GH. I'm cheating on you. Because Jason deserves it. Dumb, stupid Jason. Walk away from love ... force me to listen to a whiny Elizabeth speech....yeah, you hear me! Johnny is a better you than you'll ever be! Okay. That didn't make sense. I get this way when I'm moping.

I think you should give Johnny the gun and your blessing and get your butt over to your family before I come home from England...yeah, you heard me. You big, dumb jerk. What?! You gonna cry now? Oh - only about Michael. Not about your son. Well, you'll be sorry. You'll miss me. Don't come lookin' here for compassion. Nope that well done dried.

Big, stupid thug.

The end is the beginning is the end is the end is the end....

In my best SNL Wayne's World voice....



HATED IT!



I made it through 10 minutes before I deleted the whole horrible episode. The end of Liason is a sniveling hyper-romantic statement by Elizabeth with nothing from Jason.



HATED IT!



So, where to go now....



I'm so grateful that this is the 2nd to last post until I go to London for a week. This horrible GH day coming on the heels of personal romantic disappointment...if someone wants to hit the "Redo" button while I'm away, I won't mind one bit.



HATED IT!