Monday, March 12, 2012

I feel the need to blog (again)

In all honesty, I feel the need to scream at the skies, but I've been told (by more than one person) that it's out of fashion. I get so frustrated sometimes. I have a strong personality - I know that - and I keep trying out different mediums in which I can just be. I just want to say what's on my mind. I know that I'm too passionate/intense/opinionated/emotional, etc., so I squelch all of that in my private discourse.

Believe me, I have gone to therapy. Many times. The therapist says, "What's wrong with being intense? It's good to have emotions." A few weeks later, the tune changes. I get it. I do. The social contract requires a little vanilla, but there is nothing vanilla about me. Nothing. I am rich, gooey, drippy, thick, undeniably sweet, stick-to-your-mouth chocolate cake. I'm that cake on the display that you save room to sample, only to discover that the intensity of flavor is downright unbearable. I still go to therapy because I really believe that, maybe, I can get it right one time. Maybe I can become a nice milk chocolate, at least.

In the meantime, I just want a place to be me. It's not outside in the world. It's not at work or home. I tried Facebook - too many people watching. Twitter was too limiting. In the past, blogging didn't turn out well either (people just had to try the chocolate cake), but I'm hoping that enough time has passed that I can hide in plain sight.

I just want to speak my mind. So, please, leave the chocolate cake alone. It'll only go straight to your thighs.

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